Finding More Authenticity in Hard Times

Have you learned to appreciate the times when things aren’t going your way? These times can contain the best opportunities for your personal and even spiritual growth.

Life has its ups and downs. And it’s the down times, the challenging times that are the juiciest for your personal growth. They not only help you see ways you can become a better, they also serve to help peel away old beliefs and behaviors that your ego latched onto, but that don’t work in your favor anymore. When you approach these challenging times with awareness and intention, they point you in the direction of what to peel away to become a more authentic version of yourself – usually by giving you a personal experience of a universal principle to teach you something about yourself.

To this end, you might notice cycles in your life where the same underlying theme comes up again and again for you. While the people, places, and things might be different each time, the same underlying principles come into play time and time again until you “get” it. For example, you might find yourself dating the same type of person over and over even though that particular type isn’t a good fit for you. Or you might make the same kind of mistakes with your money over and over again.

Through the repetition of similar events, it’s as if you are given the chance recognize the dysfunctional theme that runs through all of them to help you gain a better understanding of yourself and of underlying principles that are  playing out. But that will only happen if you notice the recurring theme. You can see these repeating circumstances as hands-on, human experience of the relevant abstract, universal principle or concept. Only when you understand it more fully, can you let go of the limited beliefs and behaviors that stand in your way of greater authenticity.

Once you notice then gain a better understanding of the relevant principle for you, you can refine, reinvigorate, reaffirm, and embody that value or principle for yourself and become an example for others.

What universal principles am I’m referring to? They are general concepts like trust, cooperation, inclusion, forgiveness, compassion, gratitude, bravery, generosity, honor, self-worth, integrity, love, kindness, respect, joy, courage, honesty, fairness, justice, etc. They are the same universal truths that go to the nature of being human.

Humans throughout recorded history have struggled to define and to live by such principles. For yourself, you may find that only a one or two are really relevant to your personal and spiritual growth.

Take the principal of respect, for example. Let’s say you feel excluded, unappreciated, disappointed, or frustrated because at work you feel overlooked. You might be excluded from meetings or conversations that you believe, based on your role, you should be a part of. Based on this, you feel disrespected.

You may start decide to do things to gain respect so others include you more in certain meetings. So, you keep trying to be a part of things that you see as relevant to your role, experience, and training, even if your supervisor and co-workers may not see it that way. Despite trying to be included more, the cycle of events continues to happen over and over again until you become angry enough you decide to quit because “they don’t respect” you.

Interestingly, you might work in a string of companies and feel the same way at each one. And that is a sure sign that you haven’t resolved the issue from your end. In other words, things won’t change until you look at yourself and where these feelings of being unimportant, overlooked, excluded, and not respected come from. After all, you are the common denominator no matter the company. It’s like you subconsciously find companies to work for that will bring up the relevant issue.

Until you learn that respect is not determined by your role in a company or by anyone else but yourself, these same types of challenging situations will continue, no matter the setting.

Whatever the principle at play, it’s only when you take a hard look at the issues with awareness, curiosity, and self-reflection that you will begin to see beyond the circumstances and events on the surface through to the abstract principle at the heart of each situation. After all, it seems you are meant to experience the circumstances to allow you to look deeper, so you can attend to you part in creating the circumstances then clarify the meaning of that principle and what you need to learn about it.

Only when you can do this will you notice that the same types of events and situations stop carrying the same emotional charge or meaning for you. This is probably because once you can see the meaning that principle has for you, you won’t be predisposed to interpret similar situations through the same lens anymore.

It doesn’t mean you have “made it” to your most authentic self because other themes may start to surface for you. But you’ll know to avoid blaming others for what’s happening and instead to pay attention to what you’re experiencing and what it brings up for you. Then, you can address and resolve another underlying principle at issue for you by looking at your own behavior and beliefs that are contributing to the situation. Over time, you’ll find yourself becoming more authentic as you let go of beliefs and behaviors that aren’t working for you anymore.